Becoming Your Own Best Friend & Lover

Becoming Your Own Best Friend & Loverfeatured

When I am at trainings and/or speaking in front of an audience I always bring up how I write love letters to myself. To some this sounds corny and unnecessary, and to be honest, I felt that way in the beginning-until I start to receive my hand written love letters.

What I discovered through the process of writing these letters is that I was developing a sense of self love for myself that in the past I sought from other people, friends, lovers, family members. When I learned to cultivate this quality on my own I slowly left go of the need to be in control, to wait for someone else to say, “I love you.” I had everything I needed inside of me to tell myself those three powerful words.

First, I had to learn to love myself for who I was and not who I wanted to be. I also had to learn to develop a deep friendship with myself too. There were times when I didn’t know how to be alone with myself. It was a scary process to go through. I felt disconnected and empty inside, because I didn’t know how to love myself. If you can’t love yourself you will only end up chasing for love from other people but really it’s you that is needed. 

Sometimes I take a deep breath and pause. When I take a moment of stillness for myself I find clarity in the moment, not depressed about the past or anxious about the future. My breath brings me back to the now, to my living life. It’s all we have and it’s all we need.

The more I learn to walk with myself, to treat myself like a lover and be there like a best friend, everyone else who comes across my path just adds to the love I already have for myself. I walk and stand with myself in my darkness, but I also take time celebrate the the joy in my life and to continue to develop a curiosity of who I am.

I never give up on myself. I have committed to myself, in a way given myself a vow of marriage. I will be with myself in sickness and health, for richer or poor and for all the thing at times I am scared to death that I won’t survive. I hold my hand on my heart and promise myself that I will get through this road block in my life. I know my strengths, I know my weakness, but most of all I know the love I hold for myself.

Learning to become my own lover and best friend is a beautiful gift. I’m never alone and I know that I’ll always have myself at my side. As others might help guide me I am the one in the end that makes the decision. The more I learn about myself, what I like and dislike, my goals, and dreams I make choices from my heart and not my chaotic mind. I choose to love myself, because I am worth it. No longer am I searching and seeking for someone on the outside to fulfill my love or convince me of my worth, I am enough. 

Over time I have learned to believe myself because I do not need to prove my worth, I just need to love myself. It takes a lot of courage to do so and it takes a lot of work. Just like being in a romantic relationship it takes commitment and it takes compromises. When you learn to love yourself you become your own partner and you learn to embrace challenges for they teach you to grow and share your love even more.

You’ll never regret falling in love with yourself, because once you do the love never goes away-it’s here to stay. Make the commitment to yourself. Fall in love with you.

About the author


Feeding The Heart is a blog and resource dedicated to empowerment for whole heart living after trauma. I'm a writer, trauma sensitive-informed yoga teacher, and a trauma survivor here to share my story and journey of holistically healing.

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