Finding Strength Through Holding Your Loneliness

Finding Strength Through Holding Your Lonelinessfeatured

Don’t surrender your loneliness so quickly.

Let it cut more deep.

Let it ferment and season you
As few human or even divine ingredients can




Loneliness gets a bad rap in our society. Loneliness isn’t what we would consider a pleasant feeling, but it’s necessary for growth. The more we can learn to open our heart up to this process of growth, the more we understand (through experiencing) that loneliness is teaching us to ground in our individuality and connect us deeper to ourself so we can connect deeper and more authentically with others.

It’s not only okay to feel lonely, it’s a normal part and process of life.

We all experience loneliness. The more you can learn to hold your emotional space you learn to invite loneliness in just as you would any pleasant emotion. Loneliness has things to teach you that joy has to share with you.

Many times when we become lonely we want to hide, we feel ashamed, we want to cover up our loneliness with other people or substances to drown the feeling of disconnection. When we get to this point rather than direct our mind towards self hatred and suicidal thoughts, we can take this opportunity to train our mind to feel grounded in our body through thoughts and actions based on self love. You are never alone in this feeling.

Let your loneliness unfold in front of you. Be a witness to it and give yourself permission to go through this growth process. A flower doesn’t bloom over night. First it must stay in the dark ground where it takes time to ground it’s roots into the soil so it can eventually grow slowly into the light and join the other beautiful flowers blooming beside it.

Darkness is part of our life just as much as the light is.When we can surrender to this concept rather than fight it we become closer to a sense of wholeness, which essentially what we all are seeking. We don’t just want to be pieces of ourself, we want to be everything, but that means bringing in both the dark and the light.

Believe in the power of your growth, the process, rather than focusing on the outcome. It’s easy to feel disempowered this way. We must learn to surrender what we do not know and rather than look at our loneliness with negativity look at it with strength. It is rooting you into your essence of being, it’s not focused on “doing”. Surrender to your human-being ability. Sit on the ground. Be with your breath. Feel your heart. You are alive all full of love that first you must take time to share with yourself.

Loneliness is a tool for self discovery and for self empowerment. It will take you places you’ve never been to, but let it guide you gently through the process. It is a process of self growth. It will challenge you, but see that not as a weakness but as a sign of strength.

Here are some things I have found helpful when I am feeling lonely.

Take time to connect with nature. Nature is a powerful tool to help bring you back into your body, rather than feeling depressed and overwhelmed in your mind through your sense of disconnection. Give yourself space and time to work through this emotions.

Seek out support. You don’t have to go through this alone. Find a support group in your area, or even a good friend that you feel comfortable sharing your struggle with. Find what works best for you to feel comforted.

Be with your body. Many times when we get lost in unpleasant emotions we try to escape our body and live in our mind. Try incorporating yoga into your morning or evening routine. Maybe try out a dance class (a great way to meet people) or take up running or cycling. Try something new and something that feels good to you.

Write in a journal. Writing is a very therapetuic tool. Sometimes it’s nice to get it all out of your head and onto paper. No one needs to read it so allow yourself to write whatever flows to you. Connect yourself with your pen so you can get closer to your heart.

Find joy in the ordinary things. When we feel disconnected with feel like we need something big to happen to snap us out of our misery, but sometimes it’s just about recognize the every day wonders in life. Prepare a healthy meal for yourself and go to the farmers market and buy the ingredients. Become part of the whole process of preparing your meal. Become mindful of the colors of vegetables you choose and play around with it. Find the every day joy in brushing your teeth before you go to bed or preparing a cup of tea. Sometimes it’s just about the little things in life.

Be open to the mystery of life. There are no answers, no right or wrong decisions, only choices you consciously or unconsciously make. Everything in life is temporary so be open to the endless possabilities. Maybe your loneliness is pushing you to find a different job, one that you are passionate about or maybe it’s telling you to join a writers group to start writing that book you have always dreamed up publishing. When you begin to see loneliness as a friend that is helping to push you to live the life of your dreams the more we can slowly become open to this mystery of where life will take us next.

Breathe. Remember that every emotion will eventually pass, including loneliness. It’s all going to be okay, but it’s okay if it doesn’t feel okay right now. Just keep coming back to your breath to help you stay in sync with the flow of life. Inhale, exhale and repeat. Come back to your juicy breath and let it remind you that you are alive.

Most importantly remember, it’s okay not to be okay. Hold your loneliness and give it all the love you have.

About the author


Feeding The Heart is a blog and resource dedicated to empowerment for whole heart living after trauma. I'm a writer, trauma sensitive-informed yoga teacher, and a trauma survivor here to share my story and journey of holistically healing.

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