“These mountains you are carrying, you were only suppose to climb.” ~Najwa Zebian
As someone who writes and explores my own healing I have a confession: I don’t know how any of this actually works, but I know that I am learning to open up to understanding my pain and emotions by feeling them–rather than hiding behind them–and then learning to let them go.
I know that my emotions are always changing and so am I. Nothing is permanent, but I must learn to let go of thinking that my healing journey is linear and that there is a destination I am looking to arrive at. It’s not a destination we should seek, but rather a constant unfolding that healing brings to us. It shows us the mask we have been living behind and empowers us to bring forth our authentic state of being.
This is the process of letting go.
To let go is not easy, but is a crucial part of healing. If we continue to hold onto ideas of who we think we are, we don’t allow there to be room to be open and receptive to who we can become.
Letting go gives us room to discover a world and life of endless potential to transform.
Over the years I have struggled to let go and release the patterns that no longer serve in my life. Sometimes I have to let go of people who no longer align with me on my longer. It’s okay to let go.
We have to let go of the judgement that letting go is not okay, that we must cling and hold onto our emotions and feelings. That we must hold onto our pain, our grief, because it’s a part of our story. Who are we without it? We might ask ourself this and realize that we hold onto our pain, because we’re too afraid to live a life without it. To not carry a heavy weight on our shoulder, in our heart–is this possible? And if so, are you ready to live this life?
Then learn to let go.
The last year for me has been a year of self love and healing through learning to let go. After my husband passed away from cancer my world changed. I was 26 years old I had no idea how I would move forward, let alone did not know in the months ahead as I processed his death how deeply I would experience the grief that came with it. It felt like a dark hole I might never get out of. Part of me was still clinging to my story, my experience, and too afraid to recreate a new one as a young widow.
I didn’t want to let go. I felt like I needed to hold on because moving forward and letting go felt more painful than the grief I was experiencing. Staying in the grief was easier than allowing myself to let go.
There was also a lot of guilt that came with moving forward with my grief. I knew I didn’t want to stay stuck in my grief, but I also didn’t know how to let it go in a sacred way. I wondered if letting go would mean letting go of the love I still have for my late husband. Would letting go mean forgetting our life changing experience together and the love that carried us both through?
What I learned is love doesn’t ever go away. My love will always be there, but I do not have to carry my grief with me. I am allowed to let go of the person I was walking with my husband to his death. I now can create space to open back up to life and in time find the heart space to make room for another partner, another love, to come into my life.
In letting go I learned to love myself in a new way, an even more intimate one. One that is even more gentle, patient, tender and kind.
To let go meant to see my life through new eyes. I don’t have to carry the sadness of my past into my future. It doesn’t mean what happened to me didn’t matter or have meaning, but I can let it go. It’s okay to let go of all the heavy and negative emotions I have carried with myself for too long. It’s okay to let go has become a daily mantra of mine.
To carry the grief of my past does not serve me or anyone else. Letting go opens our wounds to be healed. We have to give ourselves permission to let go, because it’s the only way we truly heal.
Letting go is a conscious act of recreating your life. It’s intentional and by letting go you must be ready for your life to change. New doors will open and you will feel different–lighter, more joy and peace.
So I encourage you to let go our your old story, of the patterns and pain that do not serve you. Invite more love and joy into your life, because we all deserve it. By clinging to our past we’ll never be able to discover the love that we have to give and receive in this very moment.
Make more room for love. And darling, remember–it’s okay to let go and let love in.