A journey is a person it itself; no two are alike. All plans, all safeguards, policing and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip: a trip takes us. ~John Steinbeck
I have realized healing is a journey and there are no answers, only questions. The more I allow myself to be curious of myself, of the people and community around me, I come to discover that healing is not about getting to a destination: it’s about discovering and embracing the lessons you will continue to come across for the rest of your life. Isn’t that interesting?
For a long time I held tight to this idea that I wasn’t in the right place, I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t enough. I had to keep searching for who I really was. Then I slowly let go of that belief. I started to practice mindfulness. I saw every encounter as an opportunity to learn and grow. No longer did I strive for perfection, I just wanted to learn.
Sometimes you will learn things you would much rather be in the dark about, but facing the dark is part of the process. We have night and day for a reason. We go to bed to detox from the day. It’s a time to clean and surrender our minds.
For years I had night terrors, flashbacks and for years I dreaded going to bed because of the constant thoughts that never seem to go away, only continue to manifest into bigger untruths. My thoughts consumed my life. I kept thinking, “I can’t wait to never have flashbacks or thoughts consume me.” Then I realized that type of thinking is what was holding me back. I was constantly looking into the future. Until this day or that day. One day I’ll feel alive. One day I’ll have no worries. It wasn’t until I told myself today you will be present in whatever comes to you, the good and the bad, that my life began to bloom. No longer did I see a destination or a state of mind as the end goal, I now focus my energy on the journey and the many lessons I continue to learn on a daily basis.
Every day we have an opportunity to learn, grow and transform. We can’t just wait for tomorrow. Life needs us now. Our teachers are out there trying to have us look deeper within ourselves. At first it seems terrifying, but when we realize that everyone is on a journey, everyone is battling their darkness in some shape or form on a daily basis, we realize that the best thing we can do in our life is be in union with our own journey, the lessons and teachers we are coming across.
I have found my best teachers and lessons came from those who I didn’t understand. Who hurt me. Who ripped my heart wide open. They showed me my human side. They took me to the places I wasn’t comfortable going to be, but knew I needed to go to. Instead of being pulled deeper into the dark they led me to understand the grace and beauty of the light. They taught me that we all have the ability to transform our thoughts and feelings. I learned that we all experience anger, but we also all have the potential to experience love.
Don’t shame your anger or sadness, love them with all your heart. My anger and sadness taught me how to be patient and kind. It taught me that there’s always two sides. It taught me there is no one answer, only exploration. It taught me that life is meant to be happy and sad. It’s part of the process. Just keep learning. The more questions you ask, the more interesting it gets.