“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”
There are days when I feel I am moving forward and days I feel I just walked backwards for miles. It is in these moments instead of judging myself I sit with myself and give myself permission to feel as I am walking backwards. Maybe I need to feel this way to really move me forward.
Falling apart is a natural process of rebirth, of being human. No has not fallen apart. Just like riding a bicycle for the first time, it takes practice, but most importantly it takes just getting on the bicycle-even if you think you are going to fall off. In time you learn to not fall off as much and you find balance. When you find your balance you find your peace.
Life is unpredictable and by forcing our life to be a certain way we only cause our self to suffer. We have to move with our life through our own flow. Some days it may look pretty, other days it may look not so pretty. Like the waves of the ocean, each is unique in their own ways and we must allow its natural beauty and movement to just be.
To just be is harder than to just do. Giving yourself permission to just fall apart is even harder, but maybe even more necessary.
When you fall apart you have the opportunity to rebuild yourself from the ground up. Who do you really want to be? What do you want to do? Most importantly, how can you incorporate just being into your every day life to bring you more peace? This is what matters, not the fact that you are falling apart, but that you are rebuilding yourself as wisely and with meaning in every piece.
I fall apart so I have the opportunity to see the world with new eyes, a fresh perspective. I allow myself to fall apart so I can learn to hold myself in my darkness, in my grief, in knowing that there is nothing wrong with me. I must fall apart to self examine who I am, why I’m here, and how I want to move forward.
I don’t see it as “moving on” with life, but moving forward with strength, courage and dignity. It’s not going to be the same, and it will be amazing in different ways. I’m allowed to cry through this process and I am allowed to laugh. I can experience my darkness as I embrace my light. It’s not a one-way street.
I don’t have to love the process of falling apart, I just have to accept it. In time my acceptance turns into gratitude and when I look back at falling apart I realize that like a caterpillar sheds it cocoon skin to emerge into a butterfly, that was what I was doing too. It’s painful, a little ugly, but it can become something authentic and beautiful if we just let the process unfold without judgement.
Fall apart and learn to fall in love with yourself all over again.