I’ve been in Peru for 6 weeks now and have had my heart opened in more ways than ever. This was the trip I needed to really fully embody myself and open my heart to life again and to myself. I’ve learned to find love for myself again in a whole new way.
I will admit coming to Peru at first I was a bit nervous. I didn’t know what to expect and didn’t know what kind of people I would meet along the way, but it turned out to be everything I needed. I find that life really does give you exactly what you need to heal, to learn to love across all spectrums, but you must allow yourself to be open to the unknown, letting go of what your journey “should” look like.
I’ve been teaching trauma sensitive yoga workshops at a beautiful healing center called The Healing House Cusco. It’s located near the city center of Cusco and has a beautiful garden that is surrounded by a wonderful, conscious, loving community. I came there to write and I’ve made a lot of progress. I found a wonderful writer’s group in the city who has really inspired and encouraged me to move forward with my book. All the pieces have fallen into place, now it’s just trusting that everything will come together with time.
The people here truly have changed my life and have allowed me to create a new sense of identity. Transitioning from wife to widow has been a process that takes a lot of time and support along the way to discover who you are after. I’ve learned to integrate all areas of my life the last 6 months and have been part of some beautiful ceremonies that have allowed me to make peace with all that is.
Along with the people, the land is amazing. The mountains did call me here for a reason. The mountains and jungle truly feel alive here they speak and breathe a message of hope and surrender. It is a feeling I have never felt before in a foreign land. It feels like home, because it understands the language of my heart. That in itself was part of the healing I needed to reconnect.
I’ve learned a lot about the healing of grief these last 6 weeks. I’ve learned that healing and grief are not liner. I have my good days and my bad days, but most importantly I learned to be grateful for my life. Gratitude is powerful medicine and it takes me to a place that allows me to feel empowered, rather than a victim to my circumstances. Every day I become more inspired to live life fully and wholly. I am grateful for all I have learned and become along my journey.
I’ve learned how to integrate the pieces of my life that Jake was apart of. He is still part of my life, but now in a different form and dimension I’ve taken the time to rebuild my life in a way in which I still honor and cherish his love. I’ve given myself permission to open myself up to experiencing life in a way that brings me healing, peace and adventure. To move forward with grief means to walk with all aspects of life. To find joy again in not only my travel adventures but also every day life.
I think it’s really important to take time to honor those who you loved who have passed away and find a way to take them on your journey in a way that brings you peace and a sense of happiness. Peru gave me the opportunity to create sacred place for my healing and open doors for my next chapter. It freed me from the prison of guilt of the idea that I didn’t want to move forward because I didn’t want to forget the love I had for such an important man in my life. Now I’ve learned how to honor his love for me without the feeling that I need him to remind me of the love I hold inside myself.
Peru taught me how important it is to love myself. To hold space for my healing growth. We forget about own self care and love, especially when we’re grieving, but self love is the key to feeling whole again. The more I learn to love myself again the more I realize that I am my own lover and I can provide myself with the love I need to heal. I don’t need to seek it out from someone or something else, I hold all of my healing inside of me. It comes from learning to love myself first and foremost.
Sometimes you must just be the love you want to see in your life and the world.