For years I struggled with my mind. I hated it. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think straight, and couldn’t make sense of what was going on up there, in my mind. At times I thought I was certain I must be crazy, that I wasn’t normal. I perceived a reality that I thought was wrong simply because others could not understand.
And then one day I lost it. Completely lost it. I wasn’t actually living my life; I was running away from my life, not being present with it. Presence requires not thought, not action, but love. Pure authentic love.
I started reading books that melted my heart. I listed to music that inspired me to smile as my heart opened. I started writing in journal after journal. Poems, short stories, diary entries about the loving woman I knew I was.
I didn’t need to convince my mind, I needed to feel the love pour through my veins and build my bones.
And It worked. I fell in love. I fell in love a way I never imagined.
I remember running home to myself for the first time. My arms wide open, my heart ready to receive, my body in a state of peace and bliss. I was home. I was always home, but this was the first time I actually believed it, because it came from my heart.
What I realized is the heart doesn’t lie: it brings you back to your own truth.
I lost my mind to fall in my love with my heart and it was worth it. I am guided by life now, not lost, not confused, not alone. Loneliness no longer exist in my mind as my ultimate state of being, just a feeling that will pass in time. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel alone at times, or sad or angry, but now in my heart I know that in time everything will pass,with lots of patience, and joyful emotions will shower me.
I don’t regret loosing my mind to fall in love with my heart. It’s changed my life for the better. It empowered me to become a more loving and gentle person and to open my eyes to a new perspective to a life worth living and loving for.
Enjoy the journey of discovering a life worth loving.