“The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Some days my heart feels ripped open. Some days it’s so heavy it is hard to leave the house. I know my heart will be sewed back together, piece by piece, but it will never be the same. Getting use to this takes some time, sometimes a lifetime. The pieces will be different shapes, different experiences, but they will be delicately woven together in a way that brings meaningful and purpose in my pain and suffering. I must take it piece by piece.
As I sit and watch the waves of the water they feel like the waves of my heart. Slow and steady at times and other times with fast and rapid movement. It’s unpredictable at every moment, but yet there’s a sense of joy and sadness in all of it. I live in the waves not outside of the waves. I am the water, the current who produce the waves of my life.
In my wave moments of pain, I plant seeds of growth for my healing. I don’t become weaker going through the waves. I become stronger, but there is a vulnerability in all of this. I become stronger, because I allow myself to be vulnerable in order to heal. You don’t become strong without showing emotion-for feeling what you need to feel-you then become strong through opening up your heart, again.
As I learn to calmly swim through the waves of my pain and grief I liberate myself and others. I become strong, not because I hide myself, but because I expose to myself to every part of the healing process.
No longer do I feel guilt or shame for living in the darkness of my sea. Just like the water, life is made both of dark and light. We must embrace both as we need both to help us recognize the truth of our life. We will have waves of pain, but we will also have waves of joy. We are allowed to experience both simultaneously.
I give myself the gift of going through the waves of my pain without judgment or expectations. I know it won’t be easy, but I will need it to heal. I will need it to put back the pieces of my heart.We don’t go through the pain because we want to or it’s easy, we go through it because it makes us wiser and whole. We are here to learn, grow and share.
We don’t need to make sense of it as we need to feel it and breathe it out, one breath at a time. Day by day, moment by moment, we feel and surrender to it all. We slowly let go and breath in the energy that will empower us to feel whole again. Although the pieces will be arranged differently, we are a different person after surviving and thriving through our pain. Let us learn to heal and love ourselves fully through the pain so it can bring us to the light.